POWERLESS

the Zephyr crept in me

i felt a tingling sensation inside

i quivered for a moment

but gradually it faded.

a stupor replaced it

overwhelming my being

consuming my soul

leaving my body

powerless.

The New Basketball Superstar

Last Monday, that was April 25, 2011, we brought Matt to Mater Carmeli School to attend a basketball clinic. it was his first time, so he was really pretty excited! The night before that, he could barely sleep well. it was about 11 o'clock when he decided to close his eyes. when he woke up that Monday morning, he was very ecstatic. he even woke up earlier than usual. he truly looked forward to this day. so we gave him his milk, showered him, then dressed him in his jersey, complete basketball attire so to say. he picked up his ball, and walked out of the gate so proudly as if he were a big guy. when we arrived in school, his dad led him to the group of boys at the quadrangle, getting him familiar with the environment. we parted ways. i don't like watching him play that time for he might feel so uncomfortable with my presence. the next time i saw him, he was already jogging around the quadrangle together with the other big boys, his co players. he was the shortest and the smallest among them all but he was as determined as they are.i felt so elated watching him from a far dribbling the ball bigger than himself, or stretching and bending his legs to the best that he could. whatever the coach asked them to do, he did it with enthusiasm. the by passers couldn't help but stop and look at him in awe when they saw this little boy showing his prowess in dribbling the ball. he was a sight to behold! he got many friends for an instance, he felt he was one of the big guys. and i know this gives him the boost to himself and it increases his self confidence. he has potential to excel, maybe not in academics, but hopefully in basketball which he loves most!

The Little Boy

there was once a little boy

who didn't like any toy

he sure was a coy

for all things he did destroy!

he wasn't easy to handle

neither he was humble

he even loved to mumble

words with no sense at all!

aye! how awful he was!

he felt he's a brass

he never thought the mass

would consider him a crass!

His Point of View

This morning when I entered my class at III-Compassionate, the room was in total chaos. While asking them to settle down, one of my students handed me a crumpled brown paper with writings on it. I simply pocketed it for I was too busy instructing them to pile up their things that are scattered on the floor and to clean their respective areas. While doing what I asked them to do, some of them whispered audibly to read the content of that piece of paper. I waited till we finished saying the Opening Prayer and everybody was seated. I drew out the crumpled paper from my pocket and I went over it; then, I looked at the owner of the paper (for permission), and started reading it aloud. Here is what he had written: (Note: I only edited the grammar, everything here is the same as what and how he had written it.)

"I’ll never sing of love if it does not exist…”

When I was brokenhearted and heard this song, I began to think. I have proof that other people do not have love ruling over them. I overcome all my negative thoughts because love is not a thing to be miserable about. How can we love if hate is everywhere? How can we love if it makes us more miserable? Do love letters, love songs, or love greetings work the magic? No! It is inadequate for us to love. Most people have love in them, but more and more people do not love; they even hate. They are having love, joy and compassion as mere sentiments and went on to the path of thoughts where love, joy, compassion, and sorrow do not exist. Pain is the ruler of that world. A world full of pain is joy for me. It’s not that I’m the best of it, but it is my happiness, as I said. Love? What is love? Love is like a toy for a child. When you’re tired of it, you keep it in the storage. I can’t wait for me to die. I can’t feel love and sympathy. I can’t feel joy and sorrow. I breathe deeply and whispered, “here man begins and everything disappears.” It is somewhere where no one has emotions. This is the world I want to be. Nothing except you exists. Not even will power, knowledge, and emotions. Time and space disabled and it is all because of one thing. A thing they said that is so strong that it can even destroy us all. It is stupid. It is dumb. And that is love! My feelings for now…

After reading this, I told him that it’s alright to express himself so that we would know that he needed love; that he wanted to be loved, for it seems he is full of hate; perhaps he is troubled, wounded. And he completely needs understanding, healing...Everyone was attentive when I read this before them, and so I hope that they, too, will learn to understand how this young boy feels, and why perhaps sometimes he chose to remain quiet and sulk in the corner. I wonder how many of them are in my class, in our school? i wonder how many of them can survive to handle this feeling... i wonder if their parents know how and what they feel. I am sad knowing that kids like him, as young as they are, are very troubled. I hope before the school year ends, i have helped him.. i hope i had made even just a little difference in his life.

Suko na...

nakakatamad

nakakaantok

nakakapagod

nakakalugmok!

hay, bakit ganito

ang naging mundo ko?

paulit-ulit na lang

wala ng pagbabago!

nakakapikon

nakakabato

nakakalungkot

ang buhay na ganito!

gusto kong umiyak

gusto kong sumigaw

gusto kong mawala

gusto kong matunaw!

isa pa't ayoko na

isa pa't ako'y mawawala

isa pa't bibigay na

ang puso kong nawalan ng pag-asa!

The Tryst

This morning i went to my younger son's school for i was called for a conference with the directress. the start of the conversation wasn't already good because i already felt that there's a tension between us. she started asking me about my personal observation with my son... in short pointing to me bluntly my misgivings as his mother. it's painful but i accept it. i know i have my own shortcomings, we're always busy with our own work and we always come home late, forgetting to attend to his needs. however, i also pointed some of the flaws of the school, especially on academics but she can't accept it. imagine, my son is only four years old, and they give him test questions like: connect number 18, 17, 13.. to their words. My gosh! my son could barely produce a sound, he couldn't simply read a three-letter word, how would he answer such kind of a test. another, they asked him to identify leaves that are edible and non-edible, but the pictures they had given were printed in black and white. i myself couldn't even distinguish which one is edible, and which one is not at first glance, how much more my 4 year-old son?! she said, it's right to teach them lessons like these since they are still young; they will be able to absorb all these things. huh, what an explanation! she also told me, they transferred my son to an earlier schedule, 8:00-10:00 am, putting him to an enhancement program. i told her it was alright to place my son in the enhancement program, but i think it was already too late because they did that in February only. she insisted that they started the program in January, and told me "you don't know because you did not attend the meeting", what a slap on my face! yet i remain calm..when i got home i immediately checked the letter containing the new schedule, it was dated February 7. i wanted to go back to the school and show it to her to tell her that she was wrong, but i told myself it won't do me any good. it was not even stated in the letter that it was because of the enhancement program that they are changing his schedule. we were not even informed that they are scheduling a conference with parents whose children have academic problems in school... or maybe because it's only our son who's having problems in school. she said it's always our responsibility to come and confer about our son's progress in school. but what is the purpose of the correspondence notebook? i did not stay longer, i was getting impatient already, so i ask her to end the conference. i told her i was disappointed, and she too said she was disappointed. i don't really know what she's disappointed about. when i walked out the door of her office, i didn't look back. all i know, i had great regrets. i regret, i have enrolled my son in their school, i regret they had an administrator like her who is not open-minded, not open for suggestions and comments, and i regret i paid much for my son's education not getting the equivalent results my son rightfully deserves.

Ang Kabuhi

Kabuhi...kabuhi,

Dyan sa bangi-bangi

Indi kaw makapili

sang kabuhi nga nami.

kabuhi sang kalabanan

masyado ka ayan-ayan

ngaa ang iya sang iban

daw indi gid mapuslan?

Ay! ang pangabuhi

Nga indi manami

Pirmi lang may gahibi

Kay wala maskin dapli.

Siling nila ang pangabuhi

Tam-an lang kadali

Ti ngaa may nagaparamiphi?

Sa kabuhi nga ini?

Kabuhi...pangabuhi

Dyan sa bangi-bangi

Kami inyo tabangi

Para kami mabuhi!

Ode to A Friend

the wind blew and she heard the echoes

of the rustling leaves of the bamboos.

she touched herself, 'twas damp and cold

tears flowed down, she could barely hold.

then the rustle continued to echo

and the tears flowed and flowed

the soft heart felt hard and numb

it suddenly stopped beating like a drum.

then the body slowly descended

the knees gradually bended

nobody came and attended

the body whose life she ended.

it was the end of a life well-lived

of a woman whom you never heard

the battles she alone had conquered

will forever remain in her grave.

ENOUGH

We had enough of hunger

That was caused by poverty

We had enough of cowardice

That was caused by fear

We had enough of mendacity

That was caused by treachery

We had enough of indolence

That was caused by irresponsibility.

We had enough but enough isn't enough at all

Until we realize we had forgotten something

Like toiling hard not be hungry

And praying fervently so as not to fear.

By believing in ourselves we avoid making lies

And being responsible we avoid sloth.

Enough will then be enough

If we have given our all!

the prom

Last night, the Juniors and Seniors made their way to the world of glitz and glamor as they had their JS prom. the school was beautifully decorated with balloons and flowers and the red carpet was laid on the floor. it was a night to remember. as the registration begun ordinary faces in the classroom were transformed into faces like that of Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Cameron Diaz, Paris Hilton, Nina Dobrev, Justin Bieber, Zach Efron, Chris Colfer, and many others. Our eyes glistened as the ladies walked graciously on the red carpet with their stunning gowns, and the gentlemen were all extraordinary looking in their suits.

However, not all enjoyed the night perhaps. before the program started some ladies were held at the backstage because they failed to follow the dress code. we understand totally that this is supposed to be their night; however, we would also like to tell them that we meant what we said. that whatever is instructed, they should follow. at times, the young ones really would like to test how consistent and true we are to our words.

During the dance, some were just seated, and did not even have the chance to be in the dance floor. perhaps, no one wanted to dance them, or perhaps they just wanted to sulk in the corner. it was an awful sight to look at. i hope they had fun though they were sitting all throughout the night.

Nonetheless, most of the students really had a wonderful time that night. the cotillion and the social dance were all leg-breaking, and were wonderful to behold. the dance floor was almost always filled with people. time ran so fast, most of them didn't even notice that the party had to end. it seemed so swift most especially for those couples who were still having a good time with their partners.

indeed it was a memorable night, not only for them but for us, teachers, too!

Today

today when i entered my office to start the regular day of work, my gaze was nailed on the wall where a cardboard with "Today's Advice" was posted. my eyes were stuck on an advice that says, "Never take action when you're angry". i paused for a while and looked back on what had happened for the past few days. it was indeed a time of turmoil; long days of enduring the battle had been quite tiring and exhausting, but here i am still facing the same issue. i know i had been so disturbed lately, was angry, hateful, spiteful, and perhaps vengeful. not until everything is settled, these same feelings will linger.

and so i told myself, if i continue to be at this poor state, i will always end up pitying myself . no one has the capacity to help me, but me alone. i could only get up from where i had fallen down if i will have the courage to pick up the shattered pieces of myself and glue them together... piece by piece to make them whole again.

in due time, everything will be in the right place... in due time. for the mean time, things must be settled, in any way possible. and i will start now!

nonsense

they say, when you're hurt or angry, write down what you feel. it will ease the burden. indeed, it's true. you may have swollen eyes for crying as you compose your notes; however, after a while you will realize that the burden, if not fully unloaded, at least lessened. during the course of being hurt, many thoughts run into our mind, things that we should do or not to do about the confronting situation. we can't think sensibly. everything is vague, cloudy, hazy, unfathomable. we become unreasonable. usually we dwell with impulses, which definitely do not give us the best results. that's being vain and human.. ahhh.. not i guess. it's only that it's always difficult to think about things when you're feeling bad. i wonder why we have a lot to say when we are troubled? or i am only the one who feels this way. puzzled. troubled. ahhh, whatever! i sound so nonsense. may be it's time to pause or stop, and think..not of the unthinkable but of the possible!

silence. silence, but now it is longer. pause. stop. then, here comes another. unbearable. deafening! she wanted to shout, scream, shriek, cry in contempt but nothing comes out. no words were heard. it was all silence...long and deafening. tears flowed flooding her face; she sat in a corner, whimpered like a pup, but it was fruitless, the feeling was still the same. she looked battered, felt broken and abused. how would she get up? how would she start? everything was gone, and she was lost...

Why?

"why can't some people accept that they, too, make mistakes? why can't they pause or stop for a while and ask 'why?' why is it too easy for them to see the faults of others when they, too, are not faultless?"

lately, i have been so puzzled by a lot of things. i kept on asking myself so many "why's". i came to a conclusion that may be there were so many things in life that i had decided on so hastily, and i am only suffering the consequences now. i hate it when some people are too boastful about themselves, feeling clean and innocent, when in fact they aren't. how can some of them be so insensitive of how and what you feel. i am a person who isn't difficult to deal with. i definitely know where to place myself in certain situation or occasion. i know how to read people's actions and/or emotions. but i hope they, too, will do the same.

i am not saying i am perfect. i too have my own flaws, my own limitations, but i claim them. i don't brag about who i am, and i don't demand for what i need. i just need understanding. i have understood you for a long while. all the things, all of you, including who you are and where you have come from. but there is always an end to everything. what i sow, i will harvest; what you have given, i will give back. i don't deserve them anymore, and i am tired already. only selfless love can endure this impediment, and i admit i don't have such love. this is the end, i give up!

One Single Step

one single step
forget the affair
one single step
it will be over
one single step
love will disappear
one single step
I’ll be out of nowhere.

one single step
won’t be easy to bear
one single step
will drop a tear
but in one single step
will come another
one single step
life will be better.
one single step …longer!

ODE to JUSTIN

My heart aches when I see you Justin
Sittin' in my class and doin' nothin'
I wanted to be fair, not to be mean
Neither I wish to see you cryin' in the end.

John Keats' odes? You find them boring!
Grammar lessons? Oh, the same thing!
How then can I stop you from failing?
When you shun yourself from listening.

But, oh Justin, I'll never give up
I won't allow it when you sleep or nap
Now, I'm swearing to keep an eye on you
For I know, you will love English, too!

An Encounter

In my deepest slumber
One cold night of December
I had this lucid dream
About my journey to heaven.

Waiting for me was a stairway
Standing on the ground majestically
I stared at it momentarily,
Hoping to find somebody.

Then I heard someone spoke
In a very calm tone,
“My child, come, climb up
You’re welcome in my home.”

I hesitated for a moment
Yet I took my first step
Slowly ascending, I
Panted and gasped for breath.

As I reached the summit
The Zephyr wind I felt
Touching my cold cheek
And weakened my feet.

“Where are you?” I said
“Don’t make me afraid”
“Trust my child, compose yourself,
You’re in my abode, so you’re safe.”

Together we wailed, and chuckled
On the many different stories told
Then to my surprise He asked me
If I live my life purposely.

I paused for a moment, and then I humbly said, “Oh, I never did,
For countless persons
I had offended and
Grudges I caused aren’t yet mended.”

He gave me a sigh
But he also smiled
Patted me at the back
And pointed me to the clock.

“Look at the time,” he commanded
“You don’t have much of it,
Better see them today
And be humble to say you’re sorry.”

I nodded in affirmation
Uncertain of my action
I turned my back on him
And headed to a descending direction.

“Wake up!” Shouted my mother
“Was it an awful dream, dear?”
“No, I encountered the Father
On top of the winding stair.”

My mother was stunned
Doubtful of what she heard
But my thoughts still soar high
‘Bout the mission I have to comply.

Was it Cowardice? Was it Love?

"Many streams manage to surmount barriers they meet along the way, but they come out of obstacles after much labor, only to end in a foul and stagnant marsh or lake. How like so many human lives!" - The Will of the River

Indeed it's true! How like so many people in the world, like the former Department of Energy Secretary Angelo Reyes, whom many persons close to his heart described him as a man who had shown splendid heroism in the prime of his manhood in the service of his fellowmen. He had been so determined to overcome the odds, the hostile barriers, the insurmountable impediments, only to end in defeat, disgrace, and remorse in the autumn of his life.

What a sad fate for a man who was looked up as an epitome of success and a hero of so many people, yet all of a sudden ended his life with a single bullet. His act and his integrity as a person was now in question. Various comments and sentiments were already expressed. Filipinos here and abroad flooded different sites with their reactions about this sudden death. Was he really to be blamed, or are we to blame it to the circumstance that motivated him to do the act. As a military man who was able to surpass all the challenges that had confronted him, would we consider him a coward for doing this? for not facing the music? Or was it love that spurred him to do the horrible act? Are we capable or right to judge his actions? We may find it so baseless, but who knows what he was thinking when chose to end his life?

Now this is the question: If we were in his position, and our families are insulted, hurt, maligned, dishonored in public, how would we react? What would we do? How are we to deal with all of these? How sure are we not to sort to the same act that Gen. Reyes did? It is always easier said than done, as the trite saying goes, and I agree. It easier for us to give our comments and to be judgmental for we were not in his shoes. But what if we were? Would our reactions be the same as the way we reacted today? But it's alright to express how we look at things, only that we should consider the different sides of the matter. There is only one and BEST judge for all our actions, and none from us has the right to do it; it's only HIM!

In pace requiescat! Rest in peace, Sir Angelo Reyes(+).